This lab is your lab, this lab is my lab..

For some inexplicable reason, my creative juices get flowing whenever an exam is near.. Wrote this up today in lab :)


This lab is your lab, this lab is my lab
From HSC to CNRCS labs (buildings at my uni where labs are housed)
From evolution to structural biology
This lab was made for you and me

I ran some protein gels, I ran a PCR
I made some cultures, played with some NMR
Mated some fruit flies, ligated DNA
This lab was made for you and me

Has friendly technicians and grumpy post docs
Strict lab managers and eager post bacs
My lovely fellow grads and the best PI
This lab was made for you and me

A morning caffeine fix and mid-morning crispy snacks
Late afternoon lunches and midnight snack attacks
With Ramen dinners to keep me going
This lab was made for you and me

The data’s growing, DNA bands glowing
At weekly lab meetings, the words are flowing
When boss is happy, heave a sigh of relief
This lab was made for you and me.

This lab is your lab, this lab is my lab
From HSC to CNRCS labs
From evolution to structural biology
This lab was made for you and me

To be sung to the tune of 'This land is your land, this land is my land..'

I'm back!

Last night, I realized with a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach that this blog contained several poems that I hadn't written down anywhere else. This morning, after several frantic (completely unnecessary) Google searches and one simple action, I was able to recover my blog. As I looked at the familiar template and read through my old poems and posts, I realized that I loved this blog too much to give it up.. Just like I love my beloved too much to give him up.. We have fought in the past and 'broken up' but neither one of us has been able to last more than a night without talking to the other. What is this bond that binds us, my beloved and I? It is a bond that makes us call each other at exactly the same time, so that we often reach each other's voice mail. This happens too many times to be considered a co incidence. It is a bond which makes one anxious if the other is in trouble and makes us think like crazy about things that will make the other's life easier. In chemical terms, the bond between my beloved and I and this blog and I, is a covalent bond.. There is sharing and caring.. Strong attraction and a little bit of repulsion.. Which ultimately balance each other out and achieve- perfect equilibrium.

Thwarted Quest

'How I met your mother' is one of my beloved's and my favorite shows.. Although our and almost everyone's favorite character is Barney, I do identify a lot with Ted.. Like Ted, I too am the hopeless romantic, the eternally optimistic one, the one who always believed she would have a great love story, a love story fit to be a Mills and Boons novel at the very least, if not Wuthering Heights..

And I'm lucky to have lived and to be living this fantasy of mine.. I didn't have to settle for Mills and Boons; I have my very own Heathcliff.. But before I found the man of dreams, I had to experience many false starts, shed so many tears, heave so many sighs (I now realize that all this would make a good novel too.. just not a romantic one) dream countless dreams about the knight in shining armor who never came.. until he did.. These poems are from that time in my life when I was waiting for the one..

I lie awake at the midnight hour when all the world sleeps

The hour at which the darkness of the night is most deep

Yet, the darkness pales in comparison to the one in my heart

My soul craves for a new dawn, a fresh, new start...

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The face of my beloved taunts me

It makes me want to tear out my heart

Because he knows I love him so

And I know he loves me not...

I just noticed that the first anniversary of my blog has tiptoed past me. My first post began with this poem of mine- 

When the body is too weak to care,
The spirit shall soldier on..
When the mind is too feeble to dare,
The spirit shall soldier on..

When the heart is in despair,

The spirit shall soldier on..

I'm glad I read it now.. I truly needed to awaken the Arien inside me.. The one who never gives up.. Sigh ('cos never giving up gets a little tedious sometimes..)

I know Valentine's is a long way off but I wrote a (very much) early Valentine's poem for my beloved.. It's kind of short though.. So I hope to add a few more verses by Valentine's :)

On Valentine's, I declare

I'm yours, Pooh Bear

Your's for eternity, I vow

Forever your's, my love..

Repentance

As you sow, so shall you reap

Make someone cry, so will you weep

Those faces, those memories, they taunt me

All my sins have come back to haunt me..

Sins in my blood run deep

Not one promise to my parents did I keep

This burden of knowledge does daunt me

Purged of my sins is all I want to be..

Poems at midnight..

The best time for me to come up with poems is late at night past everyone's bedtime and definitely way past the time when I think I should be asleep if I don't wanna wake up groggy and grumpy the next day.. Last night was one such night.. I had been trying to come up with the perfect opening to my statement of purpose for the PhD applications.. Finally I decided it had to be a poem and last night, I managed to compose it.. Here goes..

Beyond the glass doors, I see

Such endless possibilities

Paths waiting to be tread

Lives waiting to be led

On my way, I hope to be

If only, I can find the key..

I admit it is a little cliched but I liked the line about lives waiting to be led.. Because I sincerely believe it.. I believe every action or thought of ours reveals infinite possibilities about the next action or thought.. And life may turn out to be completely different from what it would have been before we initiated that action or had that thought.. Even though that knowledge can be overwhelming, it is also comforting to the Arien in me.. that

I always have another chance to make things right.. To make things go my way..

Because, after all, tomorrow is another day :)

Another poem I composed yesterday is titled anger, the failing that tops my list of failings..

My heart is pounding in my head

Blood is rushing, crimson red

Eyeballs bulge, muscles tighten

Teeth clench and nostrils whiten

My anger no longer can I control

No anger management class left to enrol

No more peace, no hope of deliverance

I have crossed all limits of endurance

There are so many kinds of together

But only one kind of alone

Together when your tiny hand grabs mom's huge finger

But you come into the world alone

Together when you share a joy with a friend

But then you go home alone

Together when you kiss the love of your life

But in your thoughts you are alone

Together with the people who have come to mourn you

But six feet deep, alone

There are so many kinds of together

But only one kind of alone

The Purge

I feel that writing dark poems purges suicidal urges.. Hey, that rhymes.. :)

Suicide

I wish I could slash my wrist

Give the knife a savage twist

Watch it ooze, the crimson gore

Have it flow right on to the floor

Grow more dizzy by the second

Weak and cold, dazed and sickened

Close my eyes, sink into oblivion deep

And wait for that blessed eternal sleep

Loneliness and Teenage Crush!

For some reason, writing about the Convocation reminded me of my school days and the very first poems I remember writing.. way back in high school.. They were my very first contributions to the school magazine too and it was such a proud moment for me when they were published.. :)

Loneliness is a blessing in disguise

For it soothes the troubled and makes one wise

Just like a heady wine, too much is too bad

When the right dosage is taken, it isn't half as bad.

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Labelled as 'love' by the experienced

but named 'crush' by the wise,

This infatuation in high schools

is a fairly common sight,

They know not how it happens,

but it ends in despair;

For often it is a one-sided affair.

But the moments when these poems were conceived were dark moments for me then.. I had a crush on this guy- a really bad crush that lasted three years- who never cared for me.. Oh well, I did get over him eventually but now it feels like a waste of three really important years of my life.. But then it's always easier to see sense after the deed is done, right?

Lonely

Another Monday has come and gone

My beloved is not yet home

Another week wait I must

Forever with waiting is my life to be cursed?

My beloved has gone home.. I feel so empty when he's not here..

Poetry or Prose?

Here is one of my latest.. Of late I can't fall asleep until around two in the morning.. Usually I spend the time browsing for jobs and admissions or chatting with my beloved but today, I wrote this..

She smelled so sweet, Jasmine white

When I plucked her in the twilight

I held her close all night long

Breathing in her scent, that was now so strong

I didn't want to let her go, even in the morn

By her side I wanted to begin every dawn

So I kept her between the leaves of an old book

But not before I stole at her, one last look

When I came back to her, it was too late though

One look at her and I was filled with sorrow

Jasmine white no longer, of her former self, just a shadow

Only a faint fragrance left behind, to remember her on the morrow

Afraid of losing her, I held on too tight

But she was not meant to be just mine, Jasmine white

I wrote this poem because as I was tossing and turning in bed at two in the morning, I had this strong mental image of a Jasmine that is plucked so that her scent may be enjoyed by only one whereas the flower wants to send its scent out to all, to be enjoyed by all.. I likened the flower to a girl because I know of girls who can be so much, do so much.. Yet they don't coz of their guys (who believe they have only the girl's 'best interests' at heart or maybe they are just insecure about a girlfriend who is more talented or popular than they are).. Indian girls in particular are always taught to put their husband's (no boyfriends accepted in here!!) wishes and needs before their own.. I'm so incredibly lucky and thankful to God that I have my beloved who not only supports all that I do, but also encourages me to be everything I have the potential to be.. :)

Coming back to my poetry, this is the way I usually write poems.. Inspired by some strong mental image.. But somehow I feel I could write better prose than poetry, inspired by these images.. Something I have been meaning to do for a long time now but never got around to.. One of my ambitions in life is to write a book some day.. I don't care if it turns out to be a textbook of Biochemistry.. I just wanna write a book..

"Can you tell me, Dr.Know-it-all,"

Asked the ignorant Dr.Love-candidate

"Is there something like too much Love, at all?

Any signs or symptoms to it diagnosticate?"

Weary Dr.Know-it-all, sighed and said,

"Oh! Why, but yes, my dear,

To me once a visit was paid

By just such a patient, I fear.."

Though Handsome came in complaining of Pnuemonia

He looked the very part

Of a person suffering from 'Hypo-Love-emia'

So pale he looked about the heart

"Handsome," I said, all tender and sweet,

"I know just what you need..

Some Vitamin Cuddles as a treat

Then to Love Therapy, we proceed."

"Long telephone calls, Day and Night

Romantic cards and flowers to buy

Dinner at my place tonight

Don't be shy no more, be a Guy"

Handsome was, to Love all hooked

So powerful was the 'Tender Kisses' balm

The world so shiny and rosy looked

Love Therapy had worked like a charm

Until one fine morning, Handsome complained

Of Emotional Overload and Lack of Space

Though at first, ignorance I feigned

Of 'Amor-toxicosis', I knew was the case

What went so wrong? I wondered,

Did the 'Warm Hugs' have to be powdered?

But in my heart I knew what had occured

Not in the medicine, but in the dosage had I blundered

"So you see, my dear," said Dr.Know-it-all

"Too much medicine can be a poison

Love Therapy did once take a fall

Mind now! Remember this lesson."

Who can quiet the the storm of thoughts within me?

Neither man nor God can help

Stronger forts have been razed by the storm

I am but, a stalk of wheat

I guess I'm too emotional a person, even for an Arien.. But how do I decide? Who do I ask? I feel that the people around me are better at keeping their feelings in check.. But how can I know what 'storms' rage within them? Maybe they are just better at hiding them..

I truly must learn to keep my emotions at bay.. Or else its going to cost me.. And the price might just be too heavy for me to afford to pay..

Farewell

Did I arrive to leave or am I leaving to arrive?

Is it only change that I can find in my archive?

What lies ahead remains a deep, dark secret

But with you by my side, beloved, I know I shall survive. . .

Our juniors bid farewell to us by throwing a party yesterday. It wasn't an emotional affair for me.. In fact, I'm glad to be coming to the close of this chapter in my life. The only good thing that happend to me while I was doing my M. Sc. was meeting my beloved. Excepting that, when I look back all I can see is myself just going with the flow.. Letting the current take me along.. when I could have done so much more, been someone else.. I let two years of my life slip through my fingers, without ever noticing it.. I shall never forgive myself for that..

But the advantage of being an Arien? I'm still able to say, 'Tommorow is another day'.. I have a lot planned for 'tommorow'.. I hope I shall be able to make all of it happen..

I've crossed all hurdles but one

Sweated and strained to perform

But there's no time to have fun

'Coz this is just the calm before the storm

I had my very last sessional exam for M. Sc. today and did pretty well too.. It feels so great to have gotten rid of sessional exams forever :) But like I said, its not time to relax yet (Though my beloved and I did go out for a nice lunch and a scary (don't ask me why :)) movie after the exam). The final hangs like a naked sword over my head and I shall not be able to sleep in peace till that's over and done with..

Time, that beautiful jewel

A drop of water

Poised at the very tip of a leaf

Holding within it frozen

A prism of memories

Time is one thing I haven't had to spare for quite some time now and most likely, will not have for the next couple of months. Since my last post, I've been busy completing my records, preparing for a seminar and a class that I was supposed to take for students of DMLT. The seminar was very well appreciated by the lecturers, my classmates and juniors alike. I was able to experience that feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction after a really long time.

But that feeling was nothing compared to what I felt when my beloved appreciated my (very limited) culinary skills :) My beloved and I spent the most glorious two days together this weekend. I wish we would never have to be apart.

Is it better to have experienced something so good, if only so fleetingly? Or is it better to not have known pleasure, so that you will not have to feel the pain?

Could I make you stay

Forever with me?

Never go beyond this day

Make it last an eternity?

Could I make that smile play

On your lips so sweetly?

And your eyes sparkle always

Just for me, Bobby?

As the veil of Nyx falls over me,

I feel myself soar free

Grateful to that efficacious poison,

I sink into blessed oblivion

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They tug at his feet and bind his arms

They lie low, plotting and planning, a whole swarm

Dragging a weary body and a mind over which he has no command,

He is grateful to finally feel closing over him, quicksand

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Lost in the mountains high

I whisper to myself

This is the way to die

Lost in the desert dry

I tell myself

I shall not try

Lost on the seas high

I console myself

The end is nigh

If only, that elusive Happiness we could capture,

A special touch, a glance, that rapture..

And then bottle it up, a spirit so fine..

Ephemeral as perfume, as heady as wine..

So that, when the light no longer shines,

That dusty little bottle will still be mine..

That dusty little bottle will still be mine..

My beloved came back today.. It felt so good to gaze at him to my fill, to be with him, to chatter to him and laugh together.. I missed you so much, my beloved.. I wrote the poem above to let you know, I wish those moments we spent together would last forever.. Wish we were not so busy, wish our 'to do list' was not so long, wish we didn't have the pressures of thinking what will happen in the not so distant future, wish the time would stand still for just you and me.. I wish..

Biochemistry..

Is killing me..

Boy, I'm gonna die..

A victim of the 'chemistry of life'..

Had my sessional exam today and after reading the lines above, do I even have to tell you that it was horrible.. The people who set the paper seemed to have vowed vengeance against us, for whatever reason.. Anyway, its over and done with now.. Though the fact that I haven't done too well is not letting me relax now..

I'm so much more distracted when I'm studying now than I ever used to be.. I have been with my beloved for over a year now and I'm still as crazy about him as I used to be.. Which is a good thing, except when it distracts me while studying.. But I can't help it.. I'm like a moth to the flame.. And the fact that he was going home today didn't help either.. I spent most of the time I was supposed to be studying in, moping and crying.. He's gonna be away for another week :( Its like God is testing my patience.. To see if this impatient Arien can wait for her love, her life.. I'll show you God.. I'll wait for him as long as it takes.. I'll have to get used to it anyway.. When the course ends, we'll have to stay apart for atleast 6 months if not longer.. All this experience will come in handy then..

Besides, both of us have to really tighten our shoelaces now.. The finals are approaching and if we wanna stay together, we need to work really, really hard.. I hope we make it..