My beloved and I went on what might be one of our last trips to Mangalore, today.. Atleast for a while, since my beloved will have to go back home after the results are announced and may not return for a while .. Since the place we stay in is a tiny town, albeit a university town, with not even a multiplex to its claim, we like to go to Mangalore when we really wanna chill out.. Watch a movie.. have some pizza.. shop (both of us love to dig for hidden literary treasures in every book shop we can find).. or just walk hand in hand in the streets of Mangalore.. Something we cannot do back home.. In fact Mangalore was where we went for our very first date..
All the memories of that date and all the subsequent ones came flooding back to me today.. I'll miss him so badly.. I'll miss the long bus rides to Mangalore and back.. I'll miss going around Mangalore in autorickshaws with his arm around me.. I'll miss putting my arm through his while watching a movie.. I'll miss looking deep into his eyes while sitting opposite to each other at restaurants (though that embarasses him a lot).. I'll miss going to the book shops we discovered.. I'll miss the chats we would have about our dreams, ambitions and plans for the future on the bus ride back.. I'll miss you beloved, more than anything I've missed in my whole life..
The terror is now giving way to an empty sort of feeling inside. I'm trying my best to fill it with catching up on my reading, watching a lot of television, surfing and of course, some work.. Two projects that are still pending.. But something is missing.. Its time now to go out into the real world.. Get a job while I apply for PhDs, prepare for my GRE.. But I feel so tired.. I don't know if I'm being lazy or its just the fear of failure that's holding me back.. Either ways, I've got to shake it off.. I shall begin by rising early and excercising a little.. Tomorrow, because I have to and after that, because I ought to.. I want to do things, be somebody again.. Regain my confidence.. As the Arien in me reminds me, "Tomorrow is another day."
I've been away for a long, long time.. Almost two months in fact.. I've been busy cramming for my finals and panicking.. They finally got over on the 12th and thank God for that.. I don't think I could've gone on any longer.. The schedule is so d*** stressful and exhausting.. physically and mentally, what with three consecutive days of theory exams followed by a 24 hour long practical, 4 days later and a viva the day after that.. It's a wonder any of us are still alive..
I'm not too satisfied with my performance though.. I just hope, hope, hope I can manage a first class.. Results won't be out for another 15 days and these 15 days are just a torture.. I've been having nightmares since the exams got over.. I feel like I'm walking on pins and needles.. I hope it ends well.. A first class, God please..
The Ph.D. student is a rare animal. A novel sub species whose habitat, hours of activity, sleeping patterns and most importantly, diet differs from the rest of the species. It is said that your are what you eat. So, what does that say about the humble grad student whose diet consists mainly of junk food, delicious as it is? This blog does not care because we strive to celebrate that very junk food.. The 2am noodles, the 3pm lunch of leftover pizza, the all day free food extravaganza that seminars are, the high calorie cookies at scientific talks.. every morsel of high fat, high carb deliciousness that sustains and nurtures us. So, send pictures of your Ph. D. diet with a description and time consumed to firstname.lastname@example.org and see it displayed here in all its unhealthy glory!