I don't buy pretty shoes.. anymore

I used to have this huge obsession with shoes, not surprising, considering the fact that I am a normal girl who likes to look her best at every occasion. But sadly, I haven't been indulging my obsession for quite a few years now. Before I give you the reasons why, let me show you the shoes I own right now.

Beige flats

White, traditional Indian flats

Gold, open- toe ballet flats

Brown wedges

Black kitten heels

Suede sole, black, lace- up heels

Black wedges- my current favorites

Hmm.. 7 pairs of shoes and another pair of street shoes for someone who professes to be not obsessed with shoes :D But surely you must've observed that these shoes of mine are in pretty bad condition.. dusty, dirty and ragged :( INDIAN ROADS DID THAT TO THEM.. Those uneven, potholed roads and unpaved footpaths have committed heinous crimes against my darlings, the evidence of which you see before you.. 

And this is not all.. There have been many, many more that have gone before these shoes.. prettier, flashier, more colorful ones.. every one of which sacrificed its life on Indian roads so that I may look good. I have cringed with every tear, every break and every scratch in every one of them and mourned the loss of each pretty little shoe until.. I could finally take it no more.. I stopped buying pretty shoes so that I wouldn't have to witness their torturous death.. I began to buy the most ugliest and sturdiest of street shoes so that I wouldn't have to mourn their deaths.. And that, is why I don't buy pretty shoes anymore..

Horoscopes

I am a huge believer in Sun signs, horoscopes and the like.. Can you tell? ;) Anyway, I just read my horoscope for the month and for this week.. There were some really good things in there. Success in all endeavors for students and jobs on the cards for the unemployed.. I hope this is it.. The month I'll finally be able to update the 'Employer' status on facebook.

Horoscope wise, my beloved will not be doing so well this month though. I have noticed that either both of us have bad times at the same time or one of is having a bad time when the other is having good ones.. I wonder when we will both be able to enjoy the good times together..

Second article

A first and a second in the same day.. Either I don't blog for weeks at a time or do two posts at once.. Am I an Arien or what? :D Anyway, I submitted my second article for publication an hour ago and feel totally great about it. I badly want it to get accepted and soon. This article has been three years in the making.. Not the actual article of course, but the whole process that led up to it. I began working on this project during that fateful month of October 2007 and though the project was completed just six months later, in March 2008, work on the first article took time and it was finally published only in April 2009, nearly one year later. And almost one year after that, I sit here, talking about the submission of the second article. Time is slipping from my hands and I have nothing to show for it yet. The only possessions that are truly my own are my certificates- my degrees and those of various competitions I have won and my only treasures are my beloved and his love for me..

First kiss

I was reading about Snaf's first kiss and was reminded of my own. My beloved is the only guy I've ever kissed and our first kiss was truly romantic and magical. It was on a pristine beach.. We were sitting on the sands, facing the setting sun.. To our right was a light house.. And I surprised him with a quick peck on the lips which then led to the actual kiss.. It was one of the most beautiful and enchanting days of my life.. The memory of which, I shall cherish for ever :)

The SOP that never will be.

All grad school applications require an SOP or statement of purpose, a piece of writing that allows the selection committee a tiny peek at your past, the person you are now and the future you visualize for yourself and your work.

Although SOPs are thus an excellent way for the committee to decide whether you will be a good grad student, there is a lot that cannot be said in an SOP. Though I possess the kind of background and ambitions that a committee would look for, like dedication and love for my subject, a burning desire to pursue a doctoral degree in a particular area of interest, some incidents in my life that developed these desires and this love and dedication in me, there are still many other reasons for my fierce desire to pursue a PhD that cannot be given. So, here it is, the rest of the story- the SOP that never will be:

I want to be in a grad school so that I may have a better and more secure future. In my present situation, i.e as just a postgraduate, I am unable to find a job or gain the respect that the effort and time that went into earning this degree deserve. Thus, I wish to gain a doctoral degree so that I may then be assured of a job and the respect that a PhD holder invariably receives.

Another reason why I wish to join a doctoral program, also related to a secure future is my love for my beloved. As stated above, our future right now is neither predictable nor pleasant. Therefore, we cannot be together unless we feel that we won't be jeopardizing any opportunities the future might hold for each other and which might have been available to us had we been single and unfettered. A doctoral degree will grant us peace of mind and the freedom to be together.

The highest degrees ever held by anyone in my family have been master's degrees. There is no PhD in the family. I wish to be the first one in the family to ever hold a doctoral degree. There are many people who would be jealous of this achievement and it would be my pleasure to provide them with the opportunity to be jealous.

Whenever my Mom wants to encourage me to do something, she invariably adds this piece of caution, "Do not stumble in front of those who will laugh at you when you do." This is a huge step for me and I do not intend to stumble. I hope the selection committee will take this statement of purpose as an indication of the brutal honesty and ruthlessness that I will be demonstrating in my research and grant acceptance into the doctoral program.

Applications to grad schools.

So, I'm finally putting the big wheels in motion.. I've begun the application process for three grad schools for now.. Gotta finalize three more.. Six is the limit I've set 'cos I'm still unemployed and the cost of application to each school along with the costs for reporting GRE and TOEFL scores comes to about $100- 120 and the application costs for six schools is all I'm willing to burden my parents with..

Unconditional love

The only person in this whole, wide world who's always loved me unconditionally is my Mom. She has always been there for me- as a friend, a guide, a solace and comfort. She has never pointed out my mistakes but has always inspired me to learn from them. She has always had a warm hug for me when I was scared, tired, dejected or disappointed. Above all, she has never, ever lost her patience with me. At this, the darkest time in my life yet, she continues to believe in me, support me and listen to me go over and over my plans and my dreams.

She has always been my idol, the Superwoman who juggled a career and a family all the while tolerating my Dad's fiery temper. She is the reason why I still believe I can have it all, that I can be a scientist, a wife and a mom. Although this post goes up a few days before Mother's Day, I make sure to show my love and appreciation for her everyday because Life is such an incredibly fine, fragile, many colored fabric made of varying threads of emotions, people, places and incidents; you never know when it might slip through your fingers..