Loneliness and Teenage Crush!

For some reason, writing about the Convocation reminded me of my school days and the very first poems I remember writing.. way back in high school.. They were my very first contributions to the school magazine too and it was such a proud moment for me when they were published.. :)

Loneliness is a blessing in disguise

For it soothes the troubled and makes one wise

Just like a heady wine, too much is too bad

When the right dosage is taken, it isn't half as bad.

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Labelled as 'love' by the experienced

but named 'crush' by the wise,

This infatuation in high schools

is a fairly common sight,

They know not how it happens,

but it ends in despair;

For often it is a one-sided affair.

But the moments when these poems were conceived were dark moments for me then.. I had a crush on this guy- a really bad crush that lasted three years- who never cared for me.. Oh well, I did get over him eventually but now it feels like a waste of three really important years of my life.. But then it's always easier to see sense after the deed is done, right?

Convocation 2009

My convocation is just a week from today and I'm super excited about it.. I hadn't attended the convocation after B.Sc.. So this is the first time I'll be getting my degree in a graduation gown and cap rather than through the mail.. I began my preparations a week ago.. My sari, the accessories, make up, hairstyle.. the works :) If only I manage to find a job by then, my happiness will be complete (fingers crossed).. But I'm not gonna worry about that.. I'm gonna enjoy my special day completely.. :)

He's back.. We spent the most glorious day together.. And talked about those final few steps we need to take that will lead us to a PhD.. Can't wait to get there :)

Lonely

Another Monday has come and gone

My beloved is not yet home

Another week wait I must

Forever with waiting is my life to be cursed?

My beloved has gone home.. I feel so empty when he's not here..

Poetry or Prose?

Here is one of my latest.. Of late I can't fall asleep until around two in the morning.. Usually I spend the time browsing for jobs and admissions or chatting with my beloved but today, I wrote this..

She smelled so sweet, Jasmine white

When I plucked her in the twilight

I held her close all night long

Breathing in her scent, that was now so strong

I didn't want to let her go, even in the morn

By her side I wanted to begin every dawn

So I kept her between the leaves of an old book

But not before I stole at her, one last look

When I came back to her, it was too late though

One look at her and I was filled with sorrow

Jasmine white no longer, of her former self, just a shadow

Only a faint fragrance left behind, to remember her on the morrow

Afraid of losing her, I held on too tight

But she was not meant to be just mine, Jasmine white

I wrote this poem because as I was tossing and turning in bed at two in the morning, I had this strong mental image of a Jasmine that is plucked so that her scent may be enjoyed by only one whereas the flower wants to send its scent out to all, to be enjoyed by all.. I likened the flower to a girl because I know of girls who can be so much, do so much.. Yet they don't coz of their guys (who believe they have only the girl's 'best interests' at heart or maybe they are just insecure about a girlfriend who is more talented or popular than they are).. Indian girls in particular are always taught to put their husband's (no boyfriends accepted in here!!) wishes and needs before their own.. I'm so incredibly lucky and thankful to God that I have my beloved who not only supports all that I do, but also encourages me to be everything I have the potential to be.. :)

Coming back to my poetry, this is the way I usually write poems.. Inspired by some strong mental image.. But somehow I feel I could write better prose than poetry, inspired by these images.. Something I have been meaning to do for a long time now but never got around to.. One of my ambitions in life is to write a book some day.. I don't care if it turns out to be a textbook of Biochemistry.. I just wanna write a book..

One thing at a time?

Turns out there are no vacancies whatsoever in my university.. I had hoped to get a job close to home coz it would be easier to prepare for the PhD entrance exams I'm planning to take.. the reason why I haven't applied for jobs anywhere else.. I guess this means that I can concentrate better on my prep for the exams.. But I'm not really doing that either.. Not very seriously anyway.. The problem is, this feels like a vacation.. which is not right coz I've nothing to go back from vacation to.. I've really got to stop being so lazy and get serious about where I'm headed..

It's time to go job hunting.. I applied to the post of a lecturer in two institutions of my university yesterday.. I'm hoping for the best.. Good luck to me :)