Farewell

Did I arrive to leave or am I leaving to arrive?

Is it only change that I can find in my archive?

What lies ahead remains a deep, dark secret

But with you by my side, beloved, I know I shall survive. . .

Our juniors bid farewell to us by throwing a party yesterday. It wasn't an emotional affair for me.. In fact, I'm glad to be coming to the close of this chapter in my life. The only good thing that happend to me while I was doing my M. Sc. was meeting my beloved. Excepting that, when I look back all I can see is myself just going with the flow.. Letting the current take me along.. when I could have done so much more, been someone else.. I let two years of my life slip through my fingers, without ever noticing it.. I shall never forgive myself for that..

But the advantage of being an Arien? I'm still able to say, 'Tommorow is another day'.. I have a lot planned for 'tommorow'.. I hope I shall be able to make all of it happen..

I've crossed all hurdles but one

Sweated and strained to perform

But there's no time to have fun

'Coz this is just the calm before the storm

I had my very last sessional exam for M. Sc. today and did pretty well too.. It feels so great to have gotten rid of sessional exams forever :) But like I said, its not time to relax yet (Though my beloved and I did go out for a nice lunch and a scary (don't ask me why :)) movie after the exam). The final hangs like a naked sword over my head and I shall not be able to sleep in peace till that's over and done with..

Time, that beautiful jewel

A drop of water

Poised at the very tip of a leaf

Holding within it frozen

A prism of memories

Time is one thing I haven't had to spare for quite some time now and most likely, will not have for the next couple of months. Since my last post, I've been busy completing my records, preparing for a seminar and a class that I was supposed to take for students of DMLT. The seminar was very well appreciated by the lecturers, my classmates and juniors alike. I was able to experience that feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction after a really long time.

But that feeling was nothing compared to what I felt when my beloved appreciated my (very limited) culinary skills :) My beloved and I spent the most glorious two days together this weekend. I wish we would never have to be apart.

Is it better to have experienced something so good, if only so fleetingly? Or is it better to not have known pleasure, so that you will not have to feel the pain?

Could I make you stay

Forever with me?

Never go beyond this day

Make it last an eternity?

Could I make that smile play

On your lips so sweetly?

And your eyes sparkle always

Just for me, Bobby?

As the veil of Nyx falls over me,

I feel myself soar free

Grateful to that efficacious poison,

I sink into blessed oblivion

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They tug at his feet and bind his arms

They lie low, plotting and planning, a whole swarm

Dragging a weary body and a mind over which he has no command,

He is grateful to finally feel closing over him, quicksand

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Lost in the mountains high

I whisper to myself

This is the way to die

Lost in the desert dry

I tell myself

I shall not try

Lost on the seas high

I console myself

The end is nigh

If only, that elusive Happiness we could capture,

A special touch, a glance, that rapture..

And then bottle it up, a spirit so fine..

Ephemeral as perfume, as heady as wine..

So that, when the light no longer shines,

That dusty little bottle will still be mine..

That dusty little bottle will still be mine..

My beloved came back today.. It felt so good to gaze at him to my fill, to be with him, to chatter to him and laugh together.. I missed you so much, my beloved.. I wrote the poem above to let you know, I wish those moments we spent together would last forever.. Wish we were not so busy, wish our 'to do list' was not so long, wish we didn't have the pressures of thinking what will happen in the not so distant future, wish the time would stand still for just you and me.. I wish..

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

- Coldplay

One of my favorite songs.. I sort of wallow in my misery while it lasts, which is never too long.. But I do tend to listen to Linkin Park, Evanescence and other songs like the one above when I'm feeling low.. Wonder what it is about these songs that comforts me..

Biochemistry..

Is killing me..

Boy, I'm gonna die..

A victim of the 'chemistry of life'..

Had my sessional exam today and after reading the lines above, do I even have to tell you that it was horrible.. The people who set the paper seemed to have vowed vengeance against us, for whatever reason.. Anyway, its over and done with now.. Though the fact that I haven't done too well is not letting me relax now..

I'm so much more distracted when I'm studying now than I ever used to be.. I have been with my beloved for over a year now and I'm still as crazy about him as I used to be.. Which is a good thing, except when it distracts me while studying.. But I can't help it.. I'm like a moth to the flame.. And the fact that he was going home today didn't help either.. I spent most of the time I was supposed to be studying in, moping and crying.. He's gonna be away for another week :( Its like God is testing my patience.. To see if this impatient Arien can wait for her love, her life.. I'll show you God.. I'll wait for him as long as it takes.. I'll have to get used to it anyway.. When the course ends, we'll have to stay apart for atleast 6 months if not longer.. All this experience will come in handy then..

Besides, both of us have to really tighten our shoelaces now.. The finals are approaching and if we wanna stay together, we need to work really, really hard.. I hope we make it..